Different Than Your Parents Recipe: Your Big Why

This recipe helps you clarify why you’re choosing to parent differently than your parents so you can stay grounded in connection when old control-based patterns try to take over.

Disclaimer:

This is an emotional embodiment and self-reflection practice. Strong feelings, memories, or physical reactions may arise as you explore your experiences and your relationships. You are responsible for your own emotional and physical safety. Go at your own pace. Take breaks when needed. If you have a trauma history or feel overwhelmed, pause and ground yourself: feel your feet on the floor, notice 5 things in the room, place a hand on your heart, and breathe slowly. This practice is here to help you unpack emotional baggage and move toward connection, not blame, shame, or re-enact harm. Always listen to your body first. READ FULL DISCLAIMER BEFORE YOU START IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY

Use this when

When you hear yourself thinking, “I sound just like my parents,” and you feel that rush of guilt or regret, you can still choose to stay committed to connection even when you’re tired or triggered.

Ingredients

• Journal + pen (or notes app)

• 5–7 minute timer

• Optional: water, tissues, something comforting

Safety

If you feel flooded and overwhelmed with emotions, shorten this to 2 minutes, slow your exhales, and orient to the room. (Name a few colors, shapes, and sounds. Notice your feet on the ground. Get up and shake your body or do any other exercise that brings you calm. If it still feels too intense, stop and reach for support.

Step 1: Name the moment (2 minutes)

Set the timer for two minutes and then write in your journal or notebook. Write from your heart. Don't focus on spelling and grammar. When the time is up, move to step two.

“Parenting feels hard right now because ________.” 

“What I need most in this moment is ________.”

Step 2: Identify your Big WHY (2 minutes)

Set the timer again for 2 minutes and write from your heart. When the timer is up, move to step three.

• “How do I want to relate to my child differently?”

• “What would that change in our relationship?”

Step 3: Anchor it (1 minute)

Lastly, write down the sentence below and spend 1 minute making a sentence that shares the roots of why you are moving towards breaking cycles and doing things differently with your kids.

“I am becoming different than my parents because ________.”

I invite you to write this statement down and allow it to be your guiding light as you embark on the HERO journey.  It can serve as a touchstone on the days that feel hard. 

Closing: Put it in a container

To end this practice, it can be supportive to let your nervous system know the emotional processing is complete for now. Imagine placing whatever came up into a container. Then thank yourself for what showed up (memories, images, sensations) and for being here with you.

Remind yourself, “I can go slowly. I get to choose what I look at next and when.” If emotions are still releasing, allow your body to do what it needs to do, shaking, crying, sweating, yawning, or laughing. If you have the time and space, let the wave move through you without forcing it or stopping it.

When you feel complete, place a hand on your heart and say, “That was one small step toward doing things differently.”

Nurture and Integrate

Take some space to process more and integrate this recipe. Can you go for a short walk and get some fresh air right now, if not later on? 

Over the next week, notice what shifts for you, maybe you yell less, spend more time present, or feel less judgmental about yourself. If you do yell or fall back into old patterns, it’s not your fault. You’re learning, and your kids are lucky to have you as their parent.

Affirmation: (Optional)

Choose one affirmation to take into your day or week. Write it on a sticky note and post it somewhere you will see it. Read it (outloud if possible) as many times as you can remember each day.

• “I am becoming different than my parents because ________.

• I choose connection, even when it’s hard.”

• “I can pause and respond with warmth. I can always come back.”

• " I am always doing my best and taking responsibility to support myself more and more each day."

Want to go deeper?

This is just a taste. In the FREE (12-page) Getting Started Guide: Your Big Why, you’ll go deeper by:

• Reflecting on your full parenting story (how you got here)

• Dreaming into the parent you want to become (and what support you need)

• Getting crystal clear on your Big WHY so it carries you through the hardest moments

GETTING STARTED FREE GUIDE: YOUR BIG WHY

Peace & Love, Julie

Emotional Release: The Missing Peace

READ THE NEXT BLOG: STEP 5 BELIEFS ABOUT EMOTIONS