Why Connection-Based Parenting Is The Future And How To Start Today!

Welcome to Parenting Through Feeling!

I’m so glad to be connecting with you! This is a space for parents who want to connect deeply with their children and create a nurturing, emotionally safe environment.

I’m Julie Marrast, a trauma-informed parent and re-parenting, emotional healing coach, best-selling author, and have an upcoming TEDx Talk (April 19, 2025). I work with parents like you who are ready to break free from old patterns and raise their kids in a way that feels authentic, kind, and deeply connected.

You may not be a parent but stick with me. Parenting is just one kind of relationship. We learn how to be in relationships with our parents and primary caregivers. With this foundation, we relate to ourselves, our family and our friends. You can use the tools and strategies I share to re-parent yourself and deepen your emotional connection in all your relationships.

If you’ve ever felt unsure of how to parent or relate to others differently from how you were raised, you’re not alone. I’m here to guide you toward a way of parenting that strengthens emotional bonds and helps your kids grow into confident, happy, and secure individuals—while bringing more peace to your life journey.

This is just the beginning. Through this blog, I’ll share tools, tips, and ideas to support you along the way. We’ll explore how to build closer relationships with your kids (all relationships), foster emotional connections, and create the village you’ve always dreamed of.

This is a space where you can truly be yourself—because all your emotions are welcome here.

So, let’s begin and create something beautiful for you and your family.

The Shift in Parenting: From Control to Connection

Parenting is evolving, and more and more parents today are searching for a better way—one that focuses on emotional connection, trust, and respect. Over time, many have moved away from old methods that emphasized control and obedience, shifting instead toward approaches that prioritize emotional health, honesty, and strong, authentic relationships with their children.

But let’s be honest—this shift isn’t always easy. Many of us didn’t grow up in homes where connection was the focus.

Why Is It Hard to Parent Differently?

Now, let’s talk about why making this shift can feel so tough. Moving to connection-based parenting doesn’t happen overnight. For many of us, the challenge comes from the fact that we weren’t raised with these principles in mind. Instead, we grew up in environments where:

Control was the norm: Emotions were often pushed aside, and obedience was expected above all else.

Unhealthy patterns were set: Yelling and a lack of patience became automatic reactions.

Emotional connection was limited: Caregivers were often emotionally unavailable and children were not welcome to express their true selves.

Even when we want to parent differently, it’s easy to fall back on what we know. We might find ourselves repeating the same cycles we swore we’d break—feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or unsure how to create the emotional closeness we long for with our kids.

You’re Not Alone

If any of this sounds familiar, know you’re not alone. Connection-based parenting can be tough, especially when we’re also working through our past. But the good news is change is possible. You’re not doing this alone. You’re part of a growing community of parents who are choosing to parent differently, with love and connection at the center. Together, we can break old patterns, build stronger emotional bonds with our kids, and create something new—for both ourselves and our children.

Connection-Based Parenting: What Is It And How Does It Work?

Connection-based parenting is an approach that prioritizes building a strong supportive bond with your child. It’s not about controlling their behavior but about seeing them as whole beings.  Being present with them—seeing and hearing them and creating a safe space for all of their emotions. It means playing together, showing empathy, and letting them be their true selves without fear of judgment.

For instance: if your child’s favorite toy breaks, and they’re really upset. Instead of brushing it off with, “It’s just a toy, don’t cry,” you could sit down with them and say, “  It must be hard that your toy broke” Then, you stay with them as they express themselves  (talk or cry), affirming to them that all their emotions are welcome. By doing this, you’re pouring-in-connection and helping them feel heard and supported. It also teaches them that their emotions are valid while strengthening the bond you have with them.

The goal is to raise emotionally healthy kids who feel secure in themselves and their relationships with others. Because when kids feel heard and understood, they are more likely to develop into resilient and confident individuals.

The H.A.P.P.Y. Acronym: The Pillars of Connection-Based Parenting

After exploring the heart of connection-based parenting, which focuses on empathy, emotional understanding, and trust, it’s time to make it all a bit more practical.

To help parents like you bring these ideas to life, I’ve created the H.A.P.P.Y. framework—a simple guide to building a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your child.

H.A.P.P.Y. stands for five key pillars of connection-based parenting. These aren’t just big ideas—they’re real, actionable steps you can use every day to strengthen trust, boost resilience, and bring more joy into your family life. Let’s break them down and see how you can start applying them right away.

H - Humanistic

At the heart of connection-based parenting is the belief that every child is a whole, unique individual. This means respecting their thoughts, feelings, and needs—even when they don’t align with your own. For example, instead of dismissing a tantrum as “bad behaviour,” you could say, “You’re feeling upset. Let’s figure out why.” When children feel understood, they are more likely to respond with cooperation and openness.

A - Authenticity

Authenticity is about letting your child be their true self while modelling your honesty and vulnerability. When you show your child that it’s okay to feel, make mistakes, or express their needs, you create a safe environment for them to do the same. For instance, sharing, “I’m feeling overwhelmed today, but I’m here for you,” teaches them that emotions are part of being human and nothing to be ashamed of.

P - Potential

In today’s busy world, being present can feel like a challenge. But it doesn’t mean you have to spend every moment together. It’s about quality over quantity. When you’re with your child, give them your full attention, whether reading a bedtime story, talking about their day, or sharing a laugh. These moments show your child they’re valued and strengthen your bond.

P - Possibilitites

Play isn’t just fun; it’s a powerful tool for connection. Whether it’s making up silly songs, playing a board game, or chasing each other in the park, playful moments build trust and ease tension. For example, if your child resists cleaning up, you could say, “Let’s see how fast we can put these toys away together!” Play makes even mundane moments feel meaningful and joyful.

Y - Yours

At the heart of connection-based parenting is the belief that all kids are born needing connection to not only survive but to thrive.  We can pour in connection with warm eye contact and physical proximity. This allows them to feel seen, heard and have access to their natural intelligence. It also helps them have a felt sense that they aren’t alone.

Unfortunately, life happens. Parents are busy juggling many demands like work, household duties and their needs. A child doesn’t always feel seen, heard, or cared for and gets emotionally hurt.

There is disappointment, loss, and change. Over time a child starts carrying a suitcase full of emotional baggage. 

They cope with offtrack behaviour, such as, not listening, cooperating or being kind.

The same is true for you as an adult. When you don't feel seen, heard or cared for you collect emotional baggage and this leads to being emotionally unavailable, having poor emotional regulation and being emotionally disconnected from your children (and other relationships). 

Luckily you and your children don't have to stay disconnected.  

It's YOUR birthright to live with a sense of connection. Free of your emotional baggage.

Offering your warm attention, allowing your child to feel seen and heard, and offloading any emotional baggage they have collected from feeling disconnected from you or others. 

Being OK with emotions is an important part of being able to reconnect. It’s about building a healthy relationship with your emotions first, so you can model and hold space for your child to create a healthy relationship with theirs. When we accept and process our own emotions, we show our kids that it’s okay for them to do the same.

For example, if you had a tough day at work and you're feeling frustrated, instead of bottling it up or taking it out on your child, you might say something like, “I’m feeling a bit upset right now. I’m going to take a moment to connect with myself.” 

This approach focuses on bringing connection to both you and your child to continually build the sense of safety and opportunities to be vulnerable.  It sets the foundation for healthy emotional regulation and emotional connection. 

Why Parents Struggle to Implement Connection-Based Parenting

For many parents, incorporating the H.A.P.P.Y. framework into their parenting journey can feel a bit challenging at first. That’s because it’s very different from how we were raised.

Back then, parenting often revolved around strict rules, obedience, and discipline, leaving little room for emotions or real connection. We may have been told things like, “Don’t cry,” or “Toughen up”. We were taught to suppress our emotions and avoid conflict. As parents, these old beliefs can show up in the way we interact with our kids. When they act out or express emotions we may find it difficult and react with frustration, impatience, or even control.

In addition, to unresolved trauma and the unrealistic expectations placed on parents, cultural norms also play a significant role in shaping parenting behaviours. Many cultures emphasize achievement, discipline, and success over emotional well-being, which can make it difficult for parents to prioritize emotional connection with their children. Parents may feel pressure to conform to these cultural ideals, often at the cost of their own emotional needs and the emotional needs of their children.

Furthermore, societal expectations around parenting can make it seem like there’s only one "right" way to raise a child. This creates stress and confusion for parents who want to do things differently but feel torn between old practices and new, connection-based methods. The fear of being judged or not measuring up to others' standards can prevent parents from embracing a more open, emotionally attuned approach.

So, how do we do things differently?

It all comes down to repairing your relationship with your emotions, learning how to feel again, and reconnecting with your authentic self.

It's the journey of re-parenting yourself with connection over control. Take an honest and closer look at how you were parented.

Once you see those old patterns, you can start breaking them and creating a warmer, more supportive environment for your family. 

This means recognizing that we need connection, our emotions matter, and that it’s okay to feel them. We can’t teach our kids to accept their emotions if we haven’t done the same for ourselves. It takes time, patience, and practice—but it’s a beautiful journey that leads to more emotional closeness and deeper connections with our children (and all relationships).

How Connection-Based Parenting Helps With Everyday Struggles

One of the most powerful aspects of connection-based parenting is how it helps with everyday challenges like bedtime battles, power struggles, or getting your kids to cooperate. Instead of just trying to fix the symptom, you focus on understanding your child’s self-concepts and perceptions that are driving their behaviour and building a stronger bond. These tough moments can become chances to connect and grow together.

For example, when your child is upset, instead of just dismissing their emotions,  you can offer them connection. Move in close and offer them a hug, say “ I see you are having a hard time” then stay close and listen” and give them time to express it. Depending on their age they may want to jump into playing with you, a usual response for kids as play is how they process and make sense of their life experiences. Or they may be quite. It's not an exact formula. This approach shows that you’re genuinely interested in connecting with them which helps them feel safe and free to express themselves.

Parenting is a journey, and connection-based parenting is all about building a meaningful bond with your child. It’s not about being perfect, but about showing up with understanding and empathy. The key is the emotional connection you share—it’s what truly matters. By focusing on this, even small steps forward can create a big impact.

Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. It's about growing together, step by step. So take the time to explore more on my blog, and feel free to share your own experiences or challenges.

Download your FREE GETTING STARTED PARENTING GUIDE, CLICK HERE. It’s the first step in doing things differently.

We’re all in this together, learning as we grow!

Peace and Love,

Julie 

Let's become Different Than Our Parents Together!

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